Sunday, August 22, 2010

The First 'Crap Job!' of the Academic Year!

Oh yes indeedy, I feel that the 'Crap Jobs' category is going to be one of this year's high achievers. Just take a look at this dose of diarrhoea that has issued forth from the pedagogical buttocks of Manchester Metropolitan University.

Not only are they paying woefully inadequate wages for this type of post, which usually attracts at LEAST thirty quid an hour, they are actually paying BELOW THE NATIONAL AVERAGE! Or, in other words, you could earn more by emptying bins or press-ganging motorists into having their windscreens cleaned at traffic lights.

EFL Tutors x 4 Languages - Academic English courses for International Students.
Manchester Metropolitan University
Fixed Term Contract - 2 years from appointment.
Salary: Grade 5: £20,327 - £22,879 per annum.

We are seeking to appoint four full-time EAP tutors on two year fixed-term contracts to teach on our intensive Academic English courses for International Students.
You will have a degree or equivalent in a relevant subject area, a DELTA or equivalent qualification recognised by the British Council and you will be an excellent team-player. A PGCE, Certificate of Education, PGCAP or membership of the Higher Education Academy or similar qualification is desirable.

So, not only do they want a teacher with degree and a DELTA or PGCE, they're looking for some sort of gullible twit who has joined the highly irrelevant 'Higher Education Academy'. And all for less then 2,000 quid a month?! What a SCREAM!!

But one thing, though - notice that there is no mention of any need for teaching or EAP experience in the advert. Clearly, they are not expecting applications from anybody who actually knows what they're doing!

And that's rather strange for a place that likes to promote itself as "The University for World-Class Professionals". Of course, I should have realised - they must have the 3rd world in mind, judging by the salaries they offer.

So, well done MMU. You've really got the 2010-2011 'Crap Jobs!' season off to a flying start!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

"Yes, The Truth is an Odd Number, and Death is a Full Stop."

Indeed, I'm extremely sad to have to reveal that last Friday, the 13th of August (typical!), my life-time comrade-in-classroom capers, Dave the dodgy DOS, passed away, his drink-sodden spirit squelching its way heavenward in the late hours of the evening. Those cryptically wise words above were the sole substance of his final utterance, made as he gently lifted the last bottle of Fernet Branca to his quivering lips, before setting out on his pre-booked journey along Jacob's ladder (eh?!).

Actually it was MY bottle of FB he emptied, but let's not be too particular when discussing a man's departure from these mortal lands, eh? And as for the meaning of his ultimate pronouncement - I haven't a fuggin' clue!!