Saturday, May 28, 2011

Summer School Caveat Issued!

Well, this is REAL proof that Sandy Mac is losing his marbles day by day. I mean, I almost forgot to post my annual warning about working on Summer Schools! I've written more blog-postings about this particularly nasty type of bonded labour than any other subject, I guess, so it should be at least be a little bit uppermost in my mind.

Anyway, here it goes for 2011. Just click on the link here and you can discover the indiluted truth about slaving your guts out for peanuts while having to endure the most odious types of rich-kid students and semi-alcoholic 'colleagues' (as per above) that you could possibly imagine. I have no wish to crow and repeat the awful cliche of "you have been warned", but ... I'm just pointing it out!

BTW, those idiots amongst you who choose to ignore my sound advice should have some excellent stories to tell come late August. So please do pass your depraved accounts this way.

And if there are any other (over-)seasoned Teflers out there with similar stories of hellish summer schools, I'd be very grateful if you could let me have them too. It's not that I'm hard-up for material, but I do feel that a few fresh tales of Summer School despair and despondency would help to persuade the as-yet undecided to avoid a humiliating fate.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Shock Horror - Teflers are NERDS!!

My latest posting contains a brief report from Agent M, a well-concealed 'deep-throat' operative who is exceedingly well-placed to reveal to unsuspecting Tefl brethren the even seamier side of this appalling business. Or something like that. [Unfortunately the conference image that WAS alongside has had to be removed due to legal threats]

I went to the IATEFL bash at Brighton last month and frankly I ended up lying on the beach alone during some sessions, I was so terribly bored. It saddens me to say it, Sandy, but EFL teachers are officially NO FUN ANYMORE. And that is a change worth reporting, I must say.

I mean, what did these comrades-in-arms of mine end up doing in the breaks? Smoke a spliff or two on the beach? Try chatting up a few horny foreign students? Nope, they all seemed to revel in ... taking out their laptops and doing some sort of twitchy-twitchy work-related thing, ON THEIR OWN!! What a bunch of fuggin' douche-bags!!

OK, I must admit that a colleague of mine talked me into attending a workshop on twittering in a weekend session, as I thought I might actually learn something useful for once. No such luck, though – I was faced by an audience of apparent computer nerds who were twittering throughout. I soon found myself longing for the return of a workforce of drunk, skirt-chasing degenerates who turn up for work sozzled and get into fights. Paradise lost?

I reckon the cause for this outbreak of acute nerdiness could be something like this: as a result of the private sector being too mean to send their staff, all the attendees were goody-goody state school English teachers with no lives. In other words, the die-hard piss-it-all-up-the-wall Teflers from the crappy UK Tefltrade schools had to stay at home.

So, is Agent M right in his hypothesis? Did you go to IATEFL last month? Do you have anything, erm, interesting to report? Did you bump into these three dumpy old slappers alongside there [original picture removed due to threats of legal action from a rich publishing house]? And did you shag any of them, or did you prefer to play with yer fuggin’ Blackberry?

Shame on you all...!!!

And finally, as all of my pictures have fallen foul of the International Copyright Police, I'll just have to leave you with a rare and copyright-free glimpse of Yours Truly instead, attempting to remove them from my computer. The images, I mean, not the copyright cops.

Yeh, that really IS me!!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Language Teaching Centre Eastbourne - The True Unprofessionals!

OK, it's about time for my fortnightly update from one of the less salubrious corners of the Tefl kingdom. I know, I really should try and be more active on this blog, but what with my advancing state of Alzheimers, I can't remember the last time I posted. Shit, I can't even recall the last time I ... erm, what was I saying?

This time it's a verbatim report from one of my Tefl spooks on the south coast of England, where crap Tefl outfits and even crappier Tefl jobs number in their hundreds. Read this one and tell me - go on! - that this sort of Tefl shenanigans ain't as common as dogshit in a public park.

OK, I can't hold back any longer. Eastbourne again - LTC College.

As well as having a psychopath (and I am using the medical term here) as a Principal, their Director of Studies needs to be taken to task. He frequently tries it on with the Asian students, presumably seeing them as soft targets. He takes them to a pub near his 'shag pad', gets them lathered up and takes it from there. One long standing member of staff who politely suggested that this was not cool behaviour was told he was stupid, called a liar, and then 'constructively dismissed.'

The same Director - let's call him Alisdair Goldsworthy, because his mother did - also keeps details of conversations he has in the pub with his colleagues and 'friends.' If he feels like disciplining them, he hauls out his secret files and accuses them of making unprofessional comments about the school. He has used these as an excuse to rid himself of staff on several occasions.

Even worse, he tells teachers to make academic reports 'more negative' if he personally doesn`t like a particular student.

Oh, and there was the time when the school promised an employee who was on sick leave that they would keep his contract open. They then fired him at precisely the same time as he fell into a coma and then died. His wife and disabled child received the news of his dismissal by post.

Luckily the school is struggling to maintain student numbers and looks like it will soon go belly up anyway. However, I only think it is right that their appalling, inhuman behaviour be documented for all to see.

Thank you.

And you find a nice piccy of these LTC professionals here. Pretty they ain't!!

Okay, LTC Eastbourne - over to you now...